January 25, 2018

After completing the list of chores my husband left for me yesterday and then receiving proper permission from him, I spent the rest of the afternoon edging. I had my vibe resting on my clit as I scrolled through Tumblr reading about orgasm denial and looking at cuckquean captions. Thinking about my husband fucking another woman is such a turn on for me. I imagine him having sex with one of the farm girls bent over a bale of hay, or with one of the young college girls in his English class. Yeah…ok…I’m back. Before I knew what was happening, I felt myself tip over the edge. I immediately removed the vibe from my clit, ruining my orgasm. What should have been an enjoyable experience (because who doesn’t enjoy a ruin?????) was absolutely torturous. I do not lose self-control like that. EVER. I was so disappointed in my self. It was my first ruin since creating my contract forbidding ruins without my husband’s permission. I was ashamed the rest of the afternoon and dreaded telling him what I had done. I truly don’t understand it. I don’t lose control. What happened to me? So now, I await my punishment from my husband, but I know that none of the punishments on the contract are nearly as bad as the shame I already feel for losing control.